I owe special thanks and apologies to Dr. John Goshert, Utah Valley University professor, for introducing me to Faggots. The apology is for not being brave enough to read this book in public when I had the free time. The cover has the profile of a naked man bent over and the title is Faggots. The fear kept me from reading the book for fear of what others might think. So, thanks to Dr. Goshert for assigning this book for the class to read for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Literature class and sorry for not reading it when I was given the chance.
In the novel Faggots written by Larry Kramer, he writes, "Now it's time to just be. Just like I have [hazel] eyes. I'm here. I'm not gay. I'm not a fairy. I'm not a fruit. I'm not queer. A little crazy maybe. And I'm not a faggot. I'm a Homosexual Man. I'm Me. Pretty Classy" (361). I read these lines two months ago. Faggots has inspired me in so many ways, especially towards the end of the book when Fred Lemish gets this "aha" moment. The novel gave me my own "aha" moment.
I have been labeling myself as gay since I was thirteen years old. I saw this part of myself and was disgusted with it. I heard, over and over, the disgust and hatred that others felt for me when they called me a "fairy," "faggot," "queer," or "fruit." I felt and internalized that disgust and compounded that disgust with what an abomination I felt i was when discussing homosexuality in church. I have seen myself in that light since I was thirteen years old. Imagine the toll that took on my teenage mind.
However, as I read the words of Fred Lemish via Larry Kramer, I've begun to erase such negative thoughts and see myself as "Me. Pretty Classy." I am a good person who also happens to be homosexual. It's hard to try to re-write my own views of myself, but since I can't change what others think, I can change myself and what I think.
Fred Lemish also says, "What I want is better though! No. Just different. I'm going to have enough trouble changing myself. Can't change everyone else too. Can't change those who don't want to change. I want to change. I must change myself. Allow myself something better...Be strong enough for Me. I feel better (362). I am making this a personal mantra to "Be strong for Me" and tell myself "I love you" five times. The world is a harsh enough place for everyone. Why should I continue the cycle and add to the harshness by making myself less than me. "Pretty classy" is what I am and nothing less. I'll start changing me and that will make the difference.
In the novel Faggots written by Larry Kramer, he writes, "Now it's time to just be. Just like I have [hazel] eyes. I'm here. I'm not gay. I'm not a fairy. I'm not a fruit. I'm not queer. A little crazy maybe. And I'm not a faggot. I'm a Homosexual Man. I'm Me. Pretty Classy" (361). I read these lines two months ago. Faggots has inspired me in so many ways, especially towards the end of the book when Fred Lemish gets this "aha" moment. The novel gave me my own "aha" moment.
I have been labeling myself as gay since I was thirteen years old. I saw this part of myself and was disgusted with it. I heard, over and over, the disgust and hatred that others felt for me when they called me a "fairy," "faggot," "queer," or "fruit." I felt and internalized that disgust and compounded that disgust with what an abomination I felt i was when discussing homosexuality in church. I have seen myself in that light since I was thirteen years old. Imagine the toll that took on my teenage mind.
However, as I read the words of Fred Lemish via Larry Kramer, I've begun to erase such negative thoughts and see myself as "Me. Pretty Classy." I am a good person who also happens to be homosexual. It's hard to try to re-write my own views of myself, but since I can't change what others think, I can change myself and what I think.
Fred Lemish also says, "What I want is better though! No. Just different. I'm going to have enough trouble changing myself. Can't change everyone else too. Can't change those who don't want to change. I want to change. I must change myself. Allow myself something better...Be strong enough for Me. I feel better (362). I am making this a personal mantra to "Be strong for Me" and tell myself "I love you" five times. The world is a harsh enough place for everyone. Why should I continue the cycle and add to the harshness by making myself less than me. "Pretty classy" is what I am and nothing less. I'll start changing me and that will make the difference.
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