Expect More: A Soapbox Response to a News Article and the Comment that Followed

I guess it is time for me to get up on my soapbox about a comment that was made to a link I saw in my News Feed on Facebook. The article was through Edge Media Network and is about a lawsuit that was filed Tuesday in Mississippi and the lawsuit says gay students are being bullied in a southern Mississippi school district. This bullying included a lesbian student made to sit alone in the class when the other students were split into boys and girls. (The article can be found at this link: http://www.edgeonthenet.com/news/national/News//153237/lawsuit:_gay_students_bullied_in_miss_district .)

While the information in this article and the act of bullying in any way are despicable, there was a comment to the link, in which Ms. Landry commented, saying, "I live in Mississippi & I love my state but honestly you can't expect much from a state that still holds KKK conventions! If Blacks can't have respect in 2013 why expect that for LGBT?" There are two things I find erroneous about this comment. The first is that we can indeed expect more from the people of Mississippi who are engaging in such horrendous bullying tactics. Just because the KKK conventions are being held does not mean that we cannot expect more. Expecting less is the reason this bullying warfare (yes, warfare because the students being bullied are bombarded with assault after assault) continues to go on in school districts. Expecting less of the teachers who allow this cruelty to continue is the exact reason bullying continues in the school districts. Expecting less of the parents is the reason the children aren't held to a higher standard when they are in a public forum. Expecting less of the kids in the school and not asking for more respect and decorum in schools is the very reason bullying continues. And finally, expecting the bullied students to just sit back and take it because the teachers, parents and the school district will do nothing to protect them is despicable and should never be expected of them simply because they live in a district that continues to hold KKK conventions.

Finally, stating that because we are in the year 2013 and other's can't expect any respect then why should the LGBT community. Stating that it is the year 2013 does not give any credence to the idea that we are in a civilized world. The year has nothing to do with the mindset of the people...obviously! Also, the LGBT community, the Black community, and every other community can indeed expect respect. It is a right given to us simply by being. And if the communities think because they are Christian that gives them the right to treat others as though they are lesser beings, these same Christian communities need to revisit their Bibles and the words of Christ. Even Christ would not judge the harlot when she was brought before him. If Christ and his words, which are the very essences of Christianity, will not judge a harlot and also state, "Love they neighbor as thyself," what makes it okay for someone to treat LGBT kids or Black people any less than Christ would treat them? Perhaps, they need to rethink their affiliations with Christianity. The message of Christ is love and has nothing to do with color, gender, or sexual identity. Just love! So, no matter what century we are in and no matter what race, gender, sexual identity, or any other thing that identifies us as different, we can indeed expect more. We, in fact, need to expect more or we will, in the end, destroy ourselves.

Expect more of each other. Expect love from your neighbors and your teachers. Expect change from school districts. Expect more! We are all a part of the great human race and simply because we are different from on another does not give anyone the right to treat us as though we are lesser. We all breath. We all love. We all live. And to do nothing and expect nothing is one of the greater sins. Is it not?

Namaste. 

The Fear of Tomorrow and What is to Come

There comes a time in everyone's life that we need to ask: is this all there is? I have reached that point in my life. I cannot tell you how many times I have looked at the minuscule and meager paycheck I receive bi-weekly and have realized that I can never get anywhere on that amount of money. The meager paycheck will continue to allow me to go from paycheck to paycheck and keep the debtors at bay, but is that enough? And lately, the resounding answer to this question is, "No! It is definitely not enough."

With the student loans I already owe, the idea of adding more onto that amount is ridiculous and absurd, but the idea of going nowhere with the current degree I have is disheartening and frustrating. So, today, I begin my journey to obtaining at least a Master's degree in Psychology, if not going all the way and earning my doctorate. It is going to be an interesting journey, but I the field I am looking into will be rewarding in its own way and will allow me to help people.

I am very nervous about this life decision because I cannot see past what is happening today. The idea of tomorrow is very nerve wracking and scary, but if I do not step into the unknown, the fear of tomorrow will never leave me no matter if I choose to go into Psychology or not. Tomorrow is wrought with fear and uncertainty, but it is time to take of these vestiges of fear and dress in the armaments of courage and hope. So, wish me luck! I am definitely going to need it. Namaste.

Sometimes There is Just Nothing More to Say and the Words Speak For Themselves

Sometimes, I sit in front of my computer screen and wonder what I am going to write about. I try my hardest to see beyond the fickle and finicky things in life; however, sometimes, you just cant escape the fickle and finicky. Tonight, though, I am sitting in front of my computer and trying to see beyond my own existence and decided to pick up the collection of Walt Whitman's complete poems I have on my bookshelf. Sometimes, an author or a poet can give me strength to see beyond what is and see what needs to be seen. Sometimes, when I find those passages, I try to expound on them and add my own two cents. However, tonight, there is nothing that I can add to this passage but feelings. Tonight, I am just going to let the passage speak for itself and let it touch you as it has touched me.

The passage is from Whitman's Leaves of Grass from "Song of Myself." I can add nothing to it and I cannot find the words to expound on it. It is a gem hidden and waiting to be polished. All that I can say is if you haven't read at least "Song of Myself," do yourself a favor and pick it up. Without further ado, here is a passage from "Song of Myself."

...Not I, not any one else can travel that road for you,/You must travel it for yourself./It is not far, it is within reach,/Perhaps you have been on it since you were born and did not know,/ Perhaps it is everywhere on water and on land./Shoulder your duds dear son, and I will mine, and let us hasten forth,/Wonderful cities and free nations we shall fetch as we go./If you tire, give me both burdens, and rest the cuff of your hand on my hip,/And in due time you shall repay the same service to me/For after we start we never lie by again./This day before dawn I ascended a hill and look'd at the crowded heaven,/And I said to my spirit When we become the enfolders of those orbs, and the pleasure and knowledge of every thing in them, shall we be fill'd and satisfied then?/And my spirit said No, we but level that lift to pass and continue beyond./...Long enough have you dream'd contemptible dreams,/Now I wash the gum from your eyes,/You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and of every moment of your life./Long have you timidly waded holding a plank by the shore,/Now I will you to be a bold swimmer,/To jump off in the midst of the sea, rise again, nod to me, shout, and laughingly dash with your hair (118-19).

Namaste. 

"I Must Not Fear": Seeing Beyond Fear and Opening Myself Up to Possibility

How do you know the perfect time to say that you like or even love someone? Is there a set time for pet names? Is there a set time to do it? I found myself asking these question when I started to feel an inkling of affection for a guy. We haven't know each other long and we have gone on a few dates. However, I have had this strange need to call him "babe." When I text and talk to him, the word almost slips out as if naturally, but I tend to censor myself because I don't want to scare him away. Is there a time frame for things or do you just let yourself fall?

Life is an interesting hodgepodge of chaotic events that I don't understand and have a hard time navigating. I have to take what I see in pop culture as the way things are. I don't have a couple I am close enough to to turn to for these kind of questions and examples of how to approach dating men. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't know who to turn to to answer the questions that are abundant and confusing in my mind. It is a tornado of uncertainty and misconceptions on how to act and how to be.

When I told the guy I want to call "babe," that I keep censoring myself in text, he asked me why I was censoring myself. I told him it was a bit early to start doling out pet names and I didn't want to scare him away. He told me to stop censoring myself because there is not set time to do one thing or say another. He told me to do what feels natural.

It still makes me nervous to call him "babe," but at the same time, it feels normal and it feels great. I think if I continue to censor myself to save people's feelings from being hurt or because I am nervous I will scare them away, I will continue to miss out on some of the greatest adventures of my life because fear ruled me and my actions. I can't let fear be my ruler; I must rule it.

One of my favorite books is Dune by Frank Herbert and in it is one of my favorite quotes. It is the Litany against Fear that the Bene Gesserit say and the main character Paul says multiple times throughout the novel. (I know I am kind of a geek, but deal with it! :-) ) The Litany against Fear is kind of a mantra that I am adapting to my own life. The Litany against Fear is:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain (12).

Life is not meant to be feared but is meant to be lived. If we fear, we miss the most important and meaningful events in our lives. And sometimes we skip out on some important people coming into our lives. So, "[We] must not fear," and we must open myself to the possibilities beyond ourselves. And sometimes, just fall. Namaste. 

Sometimes We All Need a Little Love Note To Keep Us Going.

I don't know if it is just me, but there are days when everything seems to just fall apart and all that you can think of is giving up. The easiest thing to do would be to let go and forget everything and everyone. In fact, there are days when I wish that I could forget everything and start over; a tabula rasa in my mind would sometimes seem the salve to soothe a tired mind. There are days, like the past four, when I just want the world to stop its revolutions. Then, the most amazing thing happens; the universe gives me a glimmer of hope and love to keep me going. And I am grateful for that glimmer of hope and love the universe deems necessary for me at that point in time.

Over the past four days, I have often thought about the loneliness I seem to be stuck in; the holidays have a tendency to give me that little reminder. I go to work and then come home to an empty bed and am reminded of just how alone I am. At that moment, I just wonder how cursed I must be to find myself alone without a glimpse of the loneliness ever changing and I want to crawl into bed and never get out. Those moments bring on the feelings of wanting to start life over or for the world to stop turning. Those moments are the times when I want to give up and stop trying.

But, I keep going. I keep waking up and I maintain the cycle that seems to be the meaning of my life. I try a
little more. I get myself out of bed and right before I hit the breaking point again, the universe deems me worthy to have a glimpse of hope and love. At that point, someone I haven't heard from in a while messages me and tells me they love me or someone invites me over for Thanksgiving dinner with their family. And the glimmer of hope and love spark a renewed desire for life.

Today, when I was feeling sub par and irrelevant, I received two very important messages from two very special people. First, I haven't talked to my cousin Megan in a very long time. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I actually sat down and caught up with her and her little family. However, today, out of the blue, Megan messaged me and said that if I didn't have plans for Thanksgiving, I was welcome to come and join her and her family for their meal. Then, as if one love note wasn't enough, one of my favorite teachers and mentors, commented on one of my posts saying, "Love you, Micah."

And with a dinner invitation and a message of love, I was reminded of how blessed I am with such loving friends and family. The universe saw fit to send me these two love notes. I am truly grateful for the little love notes the universe sends me to keep me going. I am grateful to Megan and to Karin for their simple but loving messages. I am grateful to know that no matter how alone I may feel, I always have family and friends surrounding me. Thank you all for your love and your light.

To All the Candles That Are Continually Lighting the Darkness, Keep Shining.

My friend had his car stolen the other day. As I was talking to another friend about the incident, she said, "People are horrible." In the instance of the person who needed to take my friend's car, I would like to say that yes, that person is horrible and there seems to be a lot of horrible people out there in the world today. However, as I told my friend, there are a lot of really good people out there too. And this is something that I am extremely grateful for.

If we watch the news, we discover that there has been a mugging, a robbery, a shooting, a car theft, and/or many other chaotic and disheartening things happening in the world today. Unfortunately, I think the focus of the news on the negative and the injustice that is occurring all over the globe keeps us from seeing the good things people are doing in the world to combat the evil that seems so prevalent. The focus on the negative is unfortunate and seems to keep us afraid. But there is so much good to contrast the bad and for that I am grateful.

How can we be a part of the cause for good when we seem so few sometimes? The Buddha said, "Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." St. Matthew also wrote, "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works..." If we are like a candle and share our light or our goodness with the world, the one candle that burns brightly can bring light and happiness to many other lights and not take away from itself. Likewise, if we share goodness and live our lives trying to help others, our goodness can light many other people's lives and maybe they will share their goodness with others. Good will shine and maybe someday outweigh the evil.

I am grateful to all of those candles out there that are burning bright for the world to see. I am grateful to the people who, in spite of the rising tide of evil that surrounds us, continue in their daily lives to try to share their light with one more person. I am grateful to all of those good people out there who continue to give people hope. Thank you to all of you. Please continue to share your light and goodness with the world because we need it.

Namaste.

The Sounds of Silence: Pure Enjoyment in the Quiet Stillness

I am sitting in front of my computer and wondering what I am grateful for today. I could think of something
insightful or at least, I'd like to think it is insightful. I could write about something trivial just to say that I updated my blog today. However, as I sit here in the solitude of my room, all I hear in my house tonight is silence. The beautiful, exquisite silence like a breath of fresh air.

Why would someone be grateful for silence? Living in a city (well, I don't think you can completely consider Orem a city, but some of the sounds are similar so I will go with city) you hear the rush of traffic, the honking of horns, the yelling children in the street, the barking dogs, the wailing of a hungry or sleepy baby or toddler, the boom boom boom of music from a passing car, the slamming doors, the beeping at checkout counters, the crash of an opening cash register, random conversationalists, the whir of CPU's, the rapping of fingers on computer keyboards, the buzz of neon lights, and so much more. The world is a chaotic mass of sound and sometimes it is just too much. Sometimes, the world just needs to have an off switch or a mute button.

Tonight, at my house, the mute button seems to have been pushed. There is nothing but the sound of the intake of my breath. I can hear the beat of my heart in my ears. I can hear the rustling of my clothes as my body finds motion. I can hear my feet brushing against the carpet. I can relax and close my eyes, hearing the sounds of silence. And I find it music to my overstimulated ears.

My being an introvert has a lot to do with the joy I find in being in solitude and silence. I am truly grateful for the sounds silence brings. I am grateful to come to a place of quiet and feel like my own thoughts have room to run around and collect themselves. I am grateful for the pure joy silence can bring and for the awareness of the now silence brings with it. I feel like a have a glimpse at what Superman must feel (if Superman was real) in his Fortress of Solitude. I am free in my solitude and my silence. I am grateful I can rejuvenate and calm myself for another week of work, and then, all of the sounds coalesce and converge into the chaotic symphony of life.