Sometimes We All Need a Little Love Note To Keep Us Going.

I don't know if it is just me, but there are days when everything seems to just fall apart and all that you can think of is giving up. The easiest thing to do would be to let go and forget everything and everyone. In fact, there are days when I wish that I could forget everything and start over; a tabula rasa in my mind would sometimes seem the salve to soothe a tired mind. There are days, like the past four, when I just want the world to stop its revolutions. Then, the most amazing thing happens; the universe gives me a glimmer of hope and love to keep me going. And I am grateful for that glimmer of hope and love the universe deems necessary for me at that point in time.

Over the past four days, I have often thought about the loneliness I seem to be stuck in; the holidays have a tendency to give me that little reminder. I go to work and then come home to an empty bed and am reminded of just how alone I am. At that moment, I just wonder how cursed I must be to find myself alone without a glimpse of the loneliness ever changing and I want to crawl into bed and never get out. Those moments bring on the feelings of wanting to start life over or for the world to stop turning. Those moments are the times when I want to give up and stop trying.

But, I keep going. I keep waking up and I maintain the cycle that seems to be the meaning of my life. I try a
little more. I get myself out of bed and right before I hit the breaking point again, the universe deems me worthy to have a glimpse of hope and love. At that point, someone I haven't heard from in a while messages me and tells me they love me or someone invites me over for Thanksgiving dinner with their family. And the glimmer of hope and love spark a renewed desire for life.

Today, when I was feeling sub par and irrelevant, I received two very important messages from two very special people. First, I haven't talked to my cousin Megan in a very long time. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I actually sat down and caught up with her and her little family. However, today, out of the blue, Megan messaged me and said that if I didn't have plans for Thanksgiving, I was welcome to come and join her and her family for their meal. Then, as if one love note wasn't enough, one of my favorite teachers and mentors, commented on one of my posts saying, "Love you, Micah."

And with a dinner invitation and a message of love, I was reminded of how blessed I am with such loving friends and family. The universe saw fit to send me these two love notes. I am truly grateful for the little love notes the universe sends me to keep me going. I am grateful to Megan and to Karin for their simple but loving messages. I am grateful to know that no matter how alone I may feel, I always have family and friends surrounding me. Thank you all for your love and your light.

Connecting: A Cure When Other Solutions Don't Work

It's amazing how one simple conversation with a new friend or just a good friend, even a complete stranger, can change your day from a struggle with depression and self-loathing to a happy person who is unconcerned with the trivial things in life. A simple conversation, a smile, or a laugh can change your day and make it ten times better. You are able to switch from a gloomy perspective to a much brighter one with a few clouds to blot out the sun rather than a sunless day.

Today has been one of those days where I am constantly telling myself to "knock it off;" "it" being thinking negatively about myself and the situations I find myself in. I have been feeling extremely lonely and at times I've felt very alone. These two feelings are warning signs for me that signal that I am becoming too introspective and self-concerned. They signal a type of fear taking over the way I am thinking.

When I start thinking this way, I know that if I don't change the way I am thinking, the abyss will be close behind to swallow me in darkness. So, today, I have been looking for distractions to get me out of my head or I have been saying the opposite of what I have been thinking. For instance, if I am calling myself stupid or ugly, I tell myself that I am smart and handsome. Occasionally, this method works, but if I can't change the negative to the positive, I look for distractions.

Today's distraction was a simple conversation with a new acquaintance. We just started talking about our distaste for reality TV, learning to defend myself, and whatever else came up. The simple conversation was enough to make me feel some semblance of a connection with someone else. That connection was enough to lessen the sting of loneliness and it gave me another possible good friend.

In the novel Where the Boys Are, William J. Mann writes, "It's only through connection with another person that one understands why we're here..." (39) and to which I add that through that connection we gain experience and learn to live. The connection we feel when we are with people is necessary to feel a part of something than a lone being. It is those connections that get us out of our heads. And those simple, but necessary, connections are needed to make life bearable and worth it.