The other day, I started to notice a pattern of behavior that was beginning to border on a compulsive disorder. I have begun to repeatedly check my car door to make sure it is locked. I would be halfway to the entrance at work or the store, after having already checked once or twice, and I would feel the need to turn around to make sure the car door was locked/ Because my car door locks are manual, I have to go back to the car to check; I don't have the button that makes the horn beep to tell me it has locked the doors. I have found myself checking three times and about to go back for a fourth time. The fourth time I catch myself and force myself to keep walking, saying to myself, It's locked. Don't worry about it. Keep walking.
During one of these moments of forcing myself to keep walking rather than check for the fourth time, I was forced to ponder on the cause for this compulsion. I've never noticed it before and was concerned as to the cause. Am I developing another illness to replace the depression I have been free from for months? Another illness to overcome is far from what I need right now...at least, in my opinion anyway.
In meditating on the cause of the compulsion, I was reminded of the words of one of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. The Second Noble Truth states that we suffer in this life because of, among other things, attachments. The light bulb, like in the cartoons, clicked on. I experienced my "Aha" moment. I realized my constant need to check the locks of my car stems from my fear of my car being stolen or my fear of my wallet and CD's going missing. My suffering and compulsion was developing all because I was attached to material, replaceable items. That attachment was making me fear those material possession's loss and that fear mutated into this compulsion.
Now that I know the cause, I am able, with deep inner struggle, to keep walking and not double, triple, or quadruple check the locks. I force myself to keep walking because I know what the problem truly is. Knowing the problem is easy. However, fixing the problem is like pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks up a hill; pushing the wheelbarrow takes strength and endurance, but the feat is feasible.
When we begin to know ourselves better and attempt to understand our minds, we begin to become more complete. A person who knows and understands his/her own mind is a person on his/her way to freedom and to endless possibilities. That person can look at behaviors, understand them, and do what is necessary to be free from those behaviors. That person begins to know truth and know the universe because they are part of the universe and the truth. And knowing truth and the universe is a gift of freedom no one can take back. Namaste.
During one of these moments of forcing myself to keep walking rather than check for the fourth time, I was forced to ponder on the cause for this compulsion. I've never noticed it before and was concerned as to the cause. Am I developing another illness to replace the depression I have been free from for months? Another illness to overcome is far from what I need right now...at least, in my opinion anyway.
In meditating on the cause of the compulsion, I was reminded of the words of one of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. The Second Noble Truth states that we suffer in this life because of, among other things, attachments. The light bulb, like in the cartoons, clicked on. I experienced my "Aha" moment. I realized my constant need to check the locks of my car stems from my fear of my car being stolen or my fear of my wallet and CD's going missing. My suffering and compulsion was developing all because I was attached to material, replaceable items. That attachment was making me fear those material possession's loss and that fear mutated into this compulsion.
Now that I know the cause, I am able, with deep inner struggle, to keep walking and not double, triple, or quadruple check the locks. I force myself to keep walking because I know what the problem truly is. Knowing the problem is easy. However, fixing the problem is like pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks up a hill; pushing the wheelbarrow takes strength and endurance, but the feat is feasible.
When we begin to know ourselves better and attempt to understand our minds, we begin to become more complete. A person who knows and understands his/her own mind is a person on his/her way to freedom and to endless possibilities. That person can look at behaviors, understand them, and do what is necessary to be free from those behaviors. That person begins to know truth and know the universe because they are part of the universe and the truth. And knowing truth and the universe is a gift of freedom no one can take back. Namaste.
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