Engaging in Simple Conversation: How a Few Questions Can Change a Person's Perspective on Love and Life

I took two weeks of paid vacation in September and because I don't have tons of extra money, I wasn't able to go on an extravagant vacation to Hawaii or a cruise to the Bahamas. I was, however, able to go and spend two very busy but joyful weeks with my family in St. George. Today, I must share one of the best moments of my vacation. Though there were many special moments to chose from, including a surprise birthday party, this moment sticks out the most.

Some of you may not consider a vacation defined by babysitting; doing yard work; and just spending time with your family. But, I had a great time and enjoyed every minute of my time with my family. I even enjoyed being taken care of when I got sick the first week in. Every moment of my time with my family was wonderful and felt like a break from what has become the norm; a break from the norm is a vacation for me.

During these two weeks, my little sister, Jaclyn, who is always looking for ways to improve her home, wanted me to help her with her front yard. The grass has died and she has grown to dislike what has become of her front yard. So, we dug up grass; moved rocks; planted new plants; and had a good time working together. She seemed very grateful for the help I was able to give her; though, it wasn't a lot of time.

During the last day of helping her, we were pulling up grass to add edging and a walkway from the front door to the driveway. We started talking about life and the paths we took. Jaclyn asked me if I wished I was on a different path and regretted where I was in life. I told her that we all have things we regret in life, but why regret what is? I cannot change the paths I  walked and I don't regret the path I walk because it has brought me so much joy with some pain. I told her that I still believe in God and Christ, but the Church's (the LDS church's) sway has been lost on me.

The next things that came out of Jaclyn's mouth almost made me cry. These tears were not tears of sorrow but of joy. Jaclyn asked me if gay marriage were ever to become legal in Utah, would I ever marry. To which I responded that currently, whether it's legal or not, marriage was not an option. I stifled the tears that threatened to flow because I hate to cry and look all puffy and gross after I do cry; so, I avoid crying at all costs.

That was not where the conversation stopped. She surprised me when she asked if I was dating someone. I again had to stifle tears to respond that I wasn't seeing anyone. I was taken aback by her broaching of the topic. Very rarely, if ever, does my life extend passed friends and work. The gay aspect of me is never discussed. It is taboo. Part of this sexlessness or lovelessness to my life has made me feel less than and broken. But the fact that someone I love actually asked about dating and marriage with me made me feel human and made me feel unbroken. I was part of the conversation that touched on the outward aspects of me. The conversation with Jaclyn approached and touched on more of, if not all, of me.

I turned to her and said, "Jaclyn, I have to thank you for asking me about this. I think you are the only one that has asked about my life beyond work and friends. So, thank you."

She said, "I was just talking to James (her husband) about this the other day. I said that just because you chose a different path than we did doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be loved too." I almost couldn't breathe.

Our little brother is getting married in October and shades of depression have been coloring my mind because I never thought I would be able to share my love with my family and that made me feel very alone. But this conversation with my sister, has sparked a new sense of home and a new sense of belonging that I had previously felt excluded from.

I must say thank you, again, to my little sister for allowing this simple conversation to make me feel like I belong; to make me feel more complete; and to make me feel love. Who would have thought that understanding and engaging in conversation would or could spark this flame within me. Thank you little sister. You have done more in two simple questions than you could ever imagine. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I love you. Forever and always.

Autism: Be Aware and Care

Today starts the month of April, which also means that it is Autism awareness month. A much needed reminder to be aware of a disease that affects so many people. One specific person comes to my mind to me today, and his family, my sweet nephew Eli; Eli has Autism. A disease that makes it hard for him to express his needs to those that want, so much, to help him and care for him the way he needs.

A distinction that needs to be made and understood this month is that Eli, and others with Autism, have Autism; they are not Autistic. They are not the disease from which they suffer. It may seem a minor distinction, but it is important. We do not say that a person with cancer is cancer; we say they have cancer. The same needs to be said of people with Autism. They are not their disease.

Eli is a very intelligent little boy. And it frustrates him when he cannot communicate that intelligence to us. He is smarter than some adults I know when it comes to using an iPad. He can use the device to navigate to things he wants and he uses the search function to spell out things he is looking for like Monsters Inc.

Eli is also a very loving little boy. At times, because of his disease, he likes to wander around and play by himself rather than with his siblings or his cousins. When he is frustrated, he has a tendency to hit, kick, bit, or scratch, but the best memories of him are when he comes to Grandma's house and climbs on my lap to give me a hug or just sit with me. Those are the moments when he shows how loving and perfect he is.

Eli may struggle through the days; some days are better than others. However, he has a loving mother, my little sister, a loving father and four siblings that care for him through his tantrums and struggles. My sister is an amazing mother and needs to know that. Because Eli, in spite of his struggles and hardships, has her to care for him and help him understand what is and isn't okay to do and to love him through it; his father cares for him just as deeply, as do his siblings. They are a family so perfectly formed that, together, they can handle everything and anything that comes along.

I guess what I am trying to say, as we begin the month of April, is to be very aware of the disease; know the distinction between the disease and the person; and be aware of what you say and how you treat others. Autism is a disease that, when we better understand it, we can treat those that suffer from it and live with it with the respect they deserve. We can treat them as the equals they need to be treated as. Be aware and care; that's all I ask.