Within Me

I touched the rock
    Upon the mountain
To know of its strength

I picked up the pearl
   From the mouth of the clam
To gain knowledge of patience

I breathed deeply
   The tender breeze
To understand how to be gentle

I drank slowly
   The calming water
To understand how to soothe

I  observed the toddling child
   Who loves without question
To understand how to love

But the thing I didn't observe
   And all that I seek
Is within me
Ready for my call.

When the World Seems so Dark and Unforgiving....

Ever since North Korea started their threats of missile launches, the school shootings, and the Boston Marathon bombings, I have heard a lot of people expressing how evil people are and how afraid people are becoming. They have expressed their fear of public meetings and traveling. All of these feelings are completely understandable; the terrorists are succeeding in inciting terror in the hearts of the people. Fear is steadily becoming a part of life and that is sad. Fear is going hand-in-hand with distrust and revenge. This is very disheartening and is very scary.

However, in spite of the cruelty, terror, pain, death and every other negative and evil thing that raises itself to be seen on screens across the nation and the world, the one thing to keep in mind is there is still so many good people out there and there is still so much goodness. After the bombings in Boston, a nation prayed for the lost and injured. The city of Boston's residents rallied and showed their strength. People did what they could to show their support and to show their sympathy for the families affected by the act of cruelty and evil committed. The flags are being flown at half-mast and our country continues on.

In spite of the cruelty and evil, believers still prayed and pray to God, though He may have seemed absent on the days of the shootings and the bombings; families called loved ones to make sure they were safe and to show how much they love and care; friends helped one another; and people still sought and seek to give help and support where they can. The goodness in the hearts of everyone shines brighter in spite of the tragedy and terror.

When it feels like everything is being destroyed and hope is dwindling because it feels like evil is winning, I think it is important to remember that there are so many good people out there still. There are people who still see hope and goodness in life. When it feels like there is no point in going on and fear keeps you from living your lives, just keep in mind that the good still outweighs all of the evil and all the pain. 

Fighting Depression: Never Give Up Because You Are Not Alone

I have suffered from depression and still suffer from it. Although I am learning ways to manage my depression, those feelings of abandonment and loneliness remain. They sneak up on me when I wake, when I dream, and when I am sitting in the pitch black of my basement room. For a while, I didn't like to admit that I suffer from a mental illness; honestly, who would want to admit to anyone that they have a stigmatized illness. So, I wouldn't admit to my illness. I even hated to admit that I had to take a medication to manage the ups and downs. Why should I be the only one to struggle with it? This is honestly what I thought. I thought I was alone in my suffering because no one really talks about it or when they do talk about it, it is just that they are having a "blue" day. Why had God cursed me with yet another stigmatized thing that I cannot get rid of, but I really wanted to cut my depression out of me. I didn't want to continue to be so extremely different from the world.

The stigma and misunderstanding associated with mental illness run deep from speech (calling each other "psycho," "schizo," etc.,) to American film and its portrayals of mentally ill people. The misunderstanding goes so deep that people who suffer from depression are often told to, "Just be happy," or they are asked, "why can't you just be happy?" Before my parents and I discovered that my illness is caused by a chemical imbalance of serotonin and norepinephrine, my mom, when I was depressed, would tell me, "Micah, just be happy." She didn't understand, at the time, that there is a lot more to the illness than just willing yourself to be happy. She and my father have tried hard to understand my struggle with this illness and they have striven to help me in any way they can. And I am very grateful to them for their loving support.

Mental illness is just like any other disease that requires information for understanding, therapists/doctors to talk through symptoms, and medication to treat the symptoms. Medication, however, is not a cure. It treats the symptoms. The best part for people who suffer from the disease is to understand their bodies and what their body needs. For instance, for me, the side effects of the medications were not worth the temporary cure. One side effect of the medications I was put on is weight gain. However, a big thing that sets off my depression and self-loathing is body image; getting heavier was not helping my self-image. One aide that I have discovered for my body is exercise and diet. This combination allows me to lose weight and boosts chemicals in my body like adrenaline and endorphins. My point is discover what works for your body, but don't give up on finding help.

It is easy to give up, especially when those feelings of self-loathing, loneliness, and abandonment kick in. It is very easy to say, "I give up," or "what's the point?" However, I don't want you to give up. I want you to know that you do not suffer alone. I want you to discover your strengths to fight this illness that is ruling you right now. Don't let the stigma of depression and mental illness keep you from finding help and talking about it. Silence, in this regard, is not golden and will only end up wounding you more, if you let it.

Stand up with me and fight the thing that holds us back from living fulfilling lives. We are not our diseases and we should not let them rule our lives. Please remember that you are not alone and don't give up. Be the amazing people that you are meant to be, in spite of a disease that wants to keep you down. Don't let the darkness win. "Let your light so shine," as St. Matthew wrote in the Bible. Shine out and shine on.

Five Rules or Steps to Overcoming Darkness, Pain, and Stress

Today has been one of those days where I constantly question my worth in this world and one of the times I struggle, with all my being, not to be sucked down into the depths of despair and self-doubt. I don't want to go into depth as to why my day was so crappy because I don't want to be pitied or be empathized with anymore than I already have been. Besides, rehashing what happened doesn't change the fact that it happened and dwelling on the defeat only allows me to maintain myself in the bubble of negativity. Dwelling on what I have no control over doesn't do me any good.

What my issues, today, have done for me have forced me to think of ways to overcome these moments of crushed hope. So, I have come up with five rules to follow. These five rules, or steps, must be followed before I can allow myself to feed the fires of self-doubt and despair. If you follow the rules, self-doubt and despair will have no kindling to ignite their fires.

Rule number one is laugh, or find enjoyment in the simple things. If you can't come up with the strength to laugh, then smile. The positive energy infused in a laugh or a smile can diminish or negate the sting of disappointment and the negativity of stress. A smile or a laugh can be the medicine to cure the aches of life. So, laugh and smile.

Rule number two is to remember to breathe. Breathe in the positive energy that surrounds you in the hum of life and exhale all the negativity. Release the negativity into the universe and let it be changed to positive for the benefit of all. Sometimes when we are stressed, in pain, or any other aspect of negative inducting activity, we tend to take short, quick, shallow breaths. This type of breathing is not beneficial and can keep necessary oxygen from reaching the brain and keeps the brain from functioning to its potential. Short, shallow breaths deprive the body from its necessary oxygen and, in turn, takes away from "clear-headed" thinking. Take deep breaths and allow your mind to calm and clear itself of the negative emotions. Breath deep and seek peace.

Rule number three is, when you have achieved the level of clear-headed thought, think of how full of self-worth and potential you have within you. We are each filled with worth and purpose. Some of us see the measure of worth and purpose as the amount of money and notoriety we attain in this life. We see others succeed and base our own self-worth on those measures of success. However, if we allow ourselves to think of how much self-worth and purpose we have, we can rise above the negative measures of worth of money and fame. We can see what we have achieved and we can realize how much more we are capable of achieving. Some may see those achievements as mediocre, but your achievements make you exceptional. Know your worth and allow that to keep you going.

Rule number four is to know that someone loves you with all their hearts. Whether it be family, friend, or deity, someone loves you and keeps you in their deepest regard. It is easy to feel so alone when all you seem to find is pain, suffering, and defeat. However, when you know that someone loves you, you can know that you are not alone. Call your parents and siblings; call or text your friends; or kneel down and pray so that you can turn to the ones who love you and feel that connection. The negative feelings associated with loneliness will dissipate and the warm embrace of a loved one, in person or on the phone, will positively affect you and how you are thinking about yourself. Know that someone, somewhere loves you.

Finally, rule number five is to love with great depth and with all your being. When we suffer pain, stress, disappointment, etc., we reach a very self-concerned and introspective way of thinking; it becomes a self-centered way of thinking. However, when we stop focusing on ourselves and start giving focus to others, we aren't stuck thinking negatively about ourselves, but we find our concern and focus shift to the well-being of someone else. Negative energies of self-centered and self-pitying behavior and thought shifts to the positive concern for someone else and love and care given to them. See beyond yourself and love and care for someone else.

If you can follow these rules or steps for overcoming negative actions and emotions, you will find yourself in a more happy and peace-centered state of mind. I am not saying it will be easy and won't always be the solution you are looking for, but I can say that it has been helping me to pull myself out of depression and despair. I will say that if you can replace the negative energies, behaviors, emotions, and thoughts with the positive, you will find happiness when all you thought you'd see was sadness and pain. So, laugh (or smile), breathe, think, know, and love. Let positive energy and happiness surround you. Namaste.