The End of Childhood and the Beginning of New Adventures

Stephen and I giving our dog, Kuzak, a bath.

I am fighting so many feelings this week. My little brother is getting married. He is the last of us, aside from me, to settle down and marry the love of his life. They are adorable together, so I am not sure why I am feeling alone and lonely.

I think the biggest reason I am feeling alone and lonely is because when I would go home, Stephen and I were the single ones. There were two of us and I had someone to relate to. Now, I will be the only one. He will have another family to go to Christmas and Thanksgiving with. Summers will be split between the two families and I will see him less than I already do. It is a disheartening thought.

Stephen as a baby.

 Gone are the days of being kids, playing Ninja Turtles in the backyard or in our rooms. Stephen and I used to play in the marigolds that grew behind the Pavant Drive house in Richfield. Stephen would make up random rules that protected his characters but completely obliterated mine. He would tell me he had a force field and my character's blast of fire or laser beam could never reach his character. My character was smashed by a pile of rocks or blown up by a rocket. I always seemed to lose and it would start a fight.

Stephen vacuuming the carpet in his diaper.

Long gone are the days of watching Stephen in the backyard sword fighting his shadow. He would spend as many hours in the backyard as he could. I would look out the sliding door or the kitchen window and see Stephen fighting, as best he could, his shadow that was cast on the back fence. I would laugh at him, but in retrospect, I should have gone out back and joined him. It seems, now, to be a missed opportunity. I regret not playing with him. I am still amazed at his imagination.

When we lived in Price, we had a weeping willow tree that Stephen and I would climb. I was less adventurous than he was. He would climb to the highest branches he could, swing like an ape from branch to branch, and he would hang from his legs on some of them, letting his arms dangle. He seemed to love every minute of it as far, as I could tell from the ringing sound of his laughter.

Stephen loved to dress as a cowboy like Pappy.

One time, Stephen was playing outside by himself. He was being his ape-like self in the tree. When I walked out onto the porch, Stephen's limbs were sprawled out, his legs up on the dog's cage. His head was on the ground and he was unconscious. I yelled to see if he was faking it; he had a tendency to cry wolf. He was and still is quite the tease, but when he didn't respond, I called for help and ran to him. He was okay but I think he had a concussion.

The funniest part to the story is that Bethany, our older sister, left earlier. When she saw Stephen sprawled out like he was, she said, "Whatcha doin' Beez? Oh. Just chillin'?" And she left. We still laugh about it; Beth probably doesn't laugh as hard about it as Stephen and I do when we reminisce.

Stephen and I used to fight all the time. I think I instigated most of the fights, but he ended them all when he would start punching me (most likely accidentally) in the kidney. He knew he wasn't supposed to, but he did it anyway. I would tell Mom and he would get in more trouble than I would even though I started the fights. In spite of all the fights, we were really good friends. We quite often shared rooms and talk and tease each other.

We were good friends then, but when we moved to Brazil, we became best friends. You learn to become best friends when you don't understand what's going on and rely on each other for everything. We swam together; did homework in the same room; went to the movies; went shopping; helped Mom with groceries; and survived church together. Yes, survived! Because it was like a battle trying to understand what the heck was going on. Brazil was a blessing in disguise. I learned that my little brother was the best friend I ever had.

Stephen is my very best friend and I think the worst part about him getting married is he has found another
best friend. I know that we will always be friends; he is my confidante and the person I know will always be there for me whenever I need him. The fear is now that he has his wife for a best friend, what happens to me? I know it is silly, but I feel alone and happy for him at the same time.

As I contemplate why I am taking this so hard, I realize that, although we are both adults, his marriage brings about the finality to the end of our childhood. It may sound stupid, but I honestly think that is the reason I am feeling alone and lonely. Stephen and I were best friends throughout childhood and with the upcoming nuptials, childhood is over. I guess it is time for the trial of adulthood and getting older. And perhaps, adulthood will bring with it some of the greatest adventures of life. Only time will tell. I love you, Beez. Great adventures still await us.